Note from Nikolai:

There was Histrionic Laughter at the Clown’s Cadaver, is my debut poetry collection which was written gradually over the span of five years. It documents the emotional odyssey of the formative if not liminal period when I transitioned from youth to adult. Starting at the age of eighteen and publishing it at the age of 23, it is one of my proudest achievements and one of the projects that I remain emotionally tethered to. Exploring themes of adoption, diaspora, identity, queerness, death, life, meaning and the endless search for self—all in a myriad of styles and colors—it remains an abundant treasure trove; full of the artifacts of my life and the lessons I have learned while living it.

“This work of art created by N. Alexsander Sidirov, is to me, an ode to life and to learning and to moving forward”

“Sidirov creates an amalgamation of dreams, poetry and autobiography. He plays with the structural norms of poetry to create an inimitable and matchless addition to humanity’s ever-growing, indispensable collection of stories and voices”

“For a debut it’s borderline astonishing.”

“I’ve never read anything close to this. I seriously have been sitting on this for days. These poems definitely are deep, but I just can’t even explain how I feel about this collection.”

“An excellent first collection. The author clearly has a good command of language, and can draw from a wide range of knowledge and experience - even at just 23 years old. He has the potential to become an influential poet.”

This book is absolutely for people who enjoy poetry with layers—and I mean a LOT of layers. I found myself reading some poems over and over before deciding that I would interpret the work as best as I could and not dwell on figuring out the “deeper” meanings intended.

“Born in Siberia but raised in the relentless heat of Arizona, the geographic extremes of Sidirov’s background provide a sense of context for his work—Sidirov’s writing may be challenging, but it’s also undeniably inspired. Pieces like the “The pre-existing condition” and “God save our prom queen” (featuring the gem of a line ‘I think the lenses in my rose-colored glasses are broke, but alas, I lost the receipt) are clearly the work of a brazenly confident artist.”

“In a conventional world, it is refreshing to see a writer that effortlessly and at times very intentionally goes against the norms. The vulnerability beautifully crafted in the lines of the collection of poem-like entries is unlike anything I have ever read. I really related to the whole of it being a 20 something year old gay male myself. Excited to see what is next.”